Theory of a cat

By Larry Watahamagee

Some say the cat is a mysterious creature that is from a different dimension or planet. I say, a cat is a cat and a breed from the same breed as a mountain lion or tiger, but I’m no expert. Some say that all cats are the same and that they share the same mind like bees do in a hive, and that a cat’s only interest or goal is to either knock something off the table or take over the world, you pick and choose what you want to believe. I say, all cats are different with the same intention to see if we can stand the cat’s quirkiness or to see if we can handle how much love we can give them but then again cats are number 2 in dog’s world.

In ancient times cats were the embodiment of gods and goddess, where humans would worship cats as if they were a gift from the heavens themselves. But today, we can’t stand their clawing on our $600 Ashley furniture couch that is part of Ashley’s Home collection, so we throw the cat outside and tell them to think about what they done. 

Not all is bad with cats, we love them, we dress them in weird and humiliating cat clothes we buy from or we make them with the intention of making them little booties that we think it’s funny for them to wear… and we share stories similar to others about dealing with cats. 

I wonder what cats usually talk about when humans aren’t around, do they talk about politics, the latest sport scores, or NASCAR racing? I say, cats can talk about everything they observe, but are they judgmental? Well, if cats are the embodiment of gods and goddess, then yes, cats are secretly judging the world around them, but how could they know what the rest of the world is like if they never leave the comfort of their cat dome? But then again, sometimes a cat will disappear for a few minutes only to show up behind a locked door.

If we were to actually talk to a cat what would he or she say? I think he or she would say, “Your hair has enough hairspray Karen…” or “Bob, I hate this food, I told you multiple times that bargain food is what you like.” Or something along those lines. 

But what is in a cat? We can’t call them animals, because they show no sign of animal traits, they don’t like walking, or they don’t like hunting, and they certain don’t like tap water…trust me some cats like bottled water and not the cheap one too. So, can we really call them animals if we dress them up every holiday for a ridicules picture to send to grandma Edna, saying “Happy Holidays from Larry and the gang”

My theory to a cat is that they are filled with just the right amount of happiness and the right amount of judgment towards humans, we just have to unlock the true potential of a cat. Maybe in the future, cats can all teach us something from their home planet, if we were to go that route. But then again, I’m just a cat talking about cats.